that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize