wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
