Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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