i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
