Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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