roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
