i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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