dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
