I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
