big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
