i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
