so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
