I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
