and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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