I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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