My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pappa wants mamma naked
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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