the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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