sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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