Define "chronic" masturbator.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
