your parents love me but you hate me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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