Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
