you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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