I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
