i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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