if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
