Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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