Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
