Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
