you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
