What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize