booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Randomize
