So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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