weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
