i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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