you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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