Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
