Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
