i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
