i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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