Sry I called you an 8
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
