Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize