Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
