take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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