I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
