You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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