dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
