so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
