It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Damn victory sex feels great
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