is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
