first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
