So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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