I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
