I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize