just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize