i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
