If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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