Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
