found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
