and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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