you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
