You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
