Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
