after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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