kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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