my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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