my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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