It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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