I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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