Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
