You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
