You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
