Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
