she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
