oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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