Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
