they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
