i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
