i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
