oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
